When you think about taking on a new responsibility, don’t leave yourself out of the equation.

When I was a child, I loved doing the same thing other kids love to do… Run around the playground, do wild and crazy things with my friends, laugh and shout, play all sorts of silly games.

But there was another side to me. As the eldest child in a family of four kids, and with three younger cousins, it fell upon my shoulders to take them all to school each day. And I actually loved the responsibility. I looked forward to being in charge, having influence over others, making a contribution.

But then things started to change. Over time I was expected to take on more responsibility looking after the other kids in my family, and this started cutting into my own play time. As my opportunities for fun were pared down, the satisfaction I derived from being responsible shrank… and finally disappeared altogether. Taking responsibility for others was no longer a positive experience. It became a burden, leaving me with feelings of resentment and anger.

It was much later in life when I reconnected with this dilemma. As an adult, I’m clear that my life is about being of service, of helping to empower women to achieve their prosperous and full lives. I look for opportunities to be responsible and of service to others. Yet, when I allow my work time to overtake my opportunities for fun, relaxation and self-expression, the joy of responsibility collapses. I begin to feel overwhelmed and resentful, and to make matters worse, use these negative feelings as an excuse not to participate in the personal activities I enjoy.

It wasn’t until I got back in touch with my childhood experiences, the source of this dysfunction, that I realized what was going wrong. I was playing out an old script, continuing to take on jobs and responsibilities that short-circuited commitments to myself to be alive, have fun, find joy and self-expression in what I do.

This realization has opened my eyes. I now ask myself about a work opportunity: Is this an activity I really want to do? Will it allow me room for self-expression? Will it be fun and fulfilling? Doing this simple reality check has sharpened my lens in terms of choosing activities I will be truly committed to. I also find that I have a lot more freedom to pick and choose what it is I want. I’ve learned that taking on a responsibility starts with taking responsibility for myself.

What does responsibility mean to you?

So what about you? Are the activities you engage in allowing for self-expression? Do they give you room to be yourself and enjoy the experience? If not, maybe it’s time to have that honest discussion about why you are doing it and what responsibility means to you. As a certified coach, I work with professionals to help them make the right choices… to say yes to responsibilities that free up their energy in order to bring their most powerful, authentic selves to the world.

If this is of interest to you, let’s talk!

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